TruckerFun.com

A salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his meeting tomorrow, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises.

“I’m afraid not, sir,” the clerk told him apologetically, “but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes.”

Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and trim. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his life.

Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, Manicures $20.

“Why not?” he thought.

He paid the money, inserted his hands in the slot, and the machine started to buzz and spin. Fifteen seconds later He pulled his hands out and they were perfectly manicured.

The next machine had a sign that read, Machine provides a service men need when away from their Wives, 50 cents.

He looked both ways, put 50 cents in the machine, unzipped his fly and with some anticipation, stuck his manhood into the opening.

When the machine started buzzing, he let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out.

Fifteen seconds later it shut off. With trembling hands, he was able to withdraw his member….which now had a button sewn neatly on the end.

A truck driver had been driving for many hours.  He’d gone through West Texas, Arizona and New Mexico when he came up on a gas station with a small diner attached and figured he’d better stop to fill up and grab a bite to eat.

So he rolls up to it and gets some ham and eggs and coffee, then fills up his rig with gas.  The trucker’s lack of sleep is finally catching up to him and he says to the shop owner

“Good Lord, I’d give anything for a real bed, I just can’t handle another night in that sleeper.  Is there a motel anywhere round here?”

Shop owner replies “Oh it’s a good 75-80 miles to the next motel.”

Trucker: “Awww Shit…I can’t handle that.  You think you could uh…you got a spare room or something?  I’d pay ya $50 bucks to let me stay the night.  I just can’t spend another night in that sleeper.  It’s tearing my back up.”

Shop Keeper:  “Well…other than me and Paula, there’s only one other bed in the house and it’s a double bed and grandpas sleeping in that one.  Awww, grandpas old, he’s 93 and hell he don’t care.  You can share the bed if you wanna.”

The truck driver thought about it and thought of the fishing trips he used to take with his grandpa, and how they’d always have to share a bed when he was a kid. 

Trucker: “Nahhh..that ain’t no problem.”  So he goes up and the old man is asleep and he takes it down to his t-shirt and boxers and slips under the sheets.  He’s asleep for about 10 to 15 minutes when the old man wakes up and screams:

“Whooa!!!!!!!! Bring on the Girls!  Bring on the Girls!”

The trucker sits up on one elbow cracks an eye and looks at him and says, “Grandpa, what you got on your mind is fine, but that thing you have in your hand there…well, that’s mine.”