TruckerFun.com

As I walked down the busy sidewalk with my wife, knowing I was late for Mass, my eye fell upon one of those unfortunate, ragged vagabonds that are found in every city these days.

Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them.

Recalling my old pastor, Father Mike, who always admonished me to “care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked,” I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person.

Wearing what can only be described as rags, carrying her treasured worldly possessions in two plastic bags, my heart was touched by this person’s condition.

Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a true, hidden beauty.

A small voice inside my head called out, “Reach out, reach out and touch this person!”

So I did.  I won’t be at Mass this week.

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde  catches up.  She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck,  and knocks on the door.  The trucker lowers the window, and  she says “Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing  some of your load.”  The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl  catches up again.She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks  on the door.  Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if  they’ve never spoken, the blonde says brightly, “Hi my  name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!”

Shaking his head, the  trucker ignores her again and continues  down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All  out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks  on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window. Again  she says “Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of  your load!”

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races  to the next light.  When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets  out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on  her window, and after she lowers it, he says…”Hi, my name is  Chuck , it’s winter in West Virginia and I’m driving the SALT TRUCK!”

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The economy has a lot of people in need of some cold hard cash, myself included.  With the holidays right around the corner and my wallet is feeling the pinch.

I’ve got 2 phones I’d like to sell.

1. Like new Nokia camera phone (4.1 mega pixels) – $50
2. Nokia camera phone with vibrating alert (older model) – $20

Take a gander at the pictures below and definitely let me know if you’d be interested.  If you’ve already got a great camera phone please check with your friends and see if they might be interested.

Thanks and keep me in mind when your doing your Christmas shopping.

Nokia camera phone (like-new)

Nokia camera phone with vibrating alert

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From: Jane Gilles
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.19pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,
Our records indicate that your account is overdue by the amount of $233.95. If you have already made this payment please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.37pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,
I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead. I value the drawing at $233.95 so trust that this settles the matter.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.07am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,
Thankyou for contacting us. Unfortunately we are unable to accept drawings as payment and your account remains in arrears of $233.95. Please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.32am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,
Can I have my drawing of a spider back then please.

Regards, David.
From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.42am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear David,
You emailed the drawing to me. Do you want me to email it back to you?

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.56am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,

Yes please.

Regards, David.
From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 12.14pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Attached

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 09.22am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Whose spider is that?

Dear Jane, Are you sure this drawing of a spider is the one I sent you? This spider only has seven legs and I do not feel I would have made such an elementary mistake when I drew it.

Regards, David.
From: Jane Gilles
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.03am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David, Yes it is the same drawing. I copied and pasted it from the email you sent me on the 8th. David your account is still overdue by the amount of $233.95. Please make this payment as soon as possible.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.05am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Automated Out of Office Response

Thankyou for contacting me. I am currently away on leave, traveling through time and will be returning last week.

Regards, David.
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.08am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Hello, I am back and have read through your emails and accept that despite missing a leg, that drawing of a spider may indeed be the one I sent you. I realise with hindsight that it is possible you rejected the drawing of a spider due to this obvious limb ommission but did not point it out in an effort to avoid hurting my feelings. As such, I am sending you a revised drawing with the correct number of legs as full payment for any amount outstanding. I trust this will bring the matter to a conclusion.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 2.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David, As I have stated, we do not accept drawings in lei of money for accounts outstanding. We accept cheque, bank cheque, money order or cash. Please make a payment this week to avoid incurring any additional fees.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 3.17pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

I understand and will definately make a payment this week if I remember. As you have not accepted my second drawing as payment, please return the drawing to me as soon as possible. It was silly of me to assume I could provide you with something of completely no value whatsoever, waste your time and then attach such a large amount to it.

Regards, David.
From: Jane Gilles
Date: Tuesday 14 Oct 2008 11.18am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Attached

I really like the way this guy puts things into perspective. I would love to send someone a rejection letter like this.

A salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his meeting tomorrow, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises.

“I’m afraid not, sir,” the clerk told him apologetically, “but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes.”

Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and trim. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his life.

Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, Manicures $20.

“Why not?” he thought.

He paid the money, inserted his hands in the slot, and the machine started to buzz and spin. Fifteen seconds later He pulled his hands out and they were perfectly manicured.

The next machine had a sign that read, Machine provides a service men need when away from their Wives, 50 cents.

He looked both ways, put 50 cents in the machine, unzipped his fly and with some anticipation, stuck his manhood into the opening.

When the machine started buzzing, he let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out.

Fifteen seconds later it shut off. With trembling hands, he was able to withdraw his member….which now had a button sewn neatly on the end.

FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said ‘How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here!’ and hung up. The husband said, ‘Who was that?’ The wife answered, ‘I don’t know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.’

SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, ‘Hmm, this person looks familiar.’ The second blonde says, ‘Here, let me see!’ So, the first blonde hands her the compact. The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, ‘You dummy,it’s me!’

THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, ‘No, honey, don’t do it!!!’ The blonde replies, ‘Shut up, you’re next!’

FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, ‘Go ahead, ask me, .. I know ‘em all.’ A friend says, ‘OK, what’s the capital of Wisconsin ?’ The blonde replies, ‘Oh, that’s easy it’s W.’

FIFTH DEGREE
Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A: ‘Is it mine?’

SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, ‘That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware .’

SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, ‘I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!’

A truck driver had been driving for many hours.  He’d gone through West Texas, Arizona and New Mexico when he came up on a gas station with a small diner attached and figured he’d better stop to fill up and grab a bite to eat.

So he rolls up to it and gets some ham and eggs and coffee, then fills up his rig with gas.  The trucker’s lack of sleep is finally catching up to him and he says to the shop owner

“Good Lord, I’d give anything for a real bed, I just can’t handle another night in that sleeper.  Is there a motel anywhere round here?”

Shop owner replies “Oh it’s a good 75-80 miles to the next motel.”

Trucker: “Awww Shit…I can’t handle that.  You think you could uh…you got a spare room or something?  I’d pay ya $50 bucks to let me stay the night.  I just can’t spend another night in that sleeper.  It’s tearing my back up.”

Shop Keeper:  “Well…other than me and Paula, there’s only one other bed in the house and it’s a double bed and grandpas sleeping in that one.  Awww, grandpas old, he’s 93 and hell he don’t care.  You can share the bed if you wanna.”

The truck driver thought about it and thought of the fishing trips he used to take with his grandpa, and how they’d always have to share a bed when he was a kid. 

Trucker: “Nahhh..that ain’t no problem.”  So he goes up and the old man is asleep and he takes it down to his t-shirt and boxers and slips under the sheets.  He’s asleep for about 10 to 15 minutes when the old man wakes up and screams:

“Whooa!!!!!!!! Bring on the Girls!  Bring on the Girls!”

The trucker sits up on one elbow cracks an eye and looks at him and says, “Grandpa, what you got on your mind is fine, but that thing you have in your hand there…well, that’s mine.”