TruckerFun.com

I really like the way this guy puts things into perspective. I would love to send someone a rejection letter like this.

A salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his meeting tomorrow, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises.

“I’m afraid not, sir,” the clerk told him apologetically, “but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes.”

Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and trim. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his life.

Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, Manicures $20.

“Why not?” he thought.

He paid the money, inserted his hands in the slot, and the machine started to buzz and spin. Fifteen seconds later He pulled his hands out and they were perfectly manicured.

The next machine had a sign that read, Machine provides a service men need when away from their Wives, 50 cents.

He looked both ways, put 50 cents in the machine, unzipped his fly and with some anticipation, stuck his manhood into the opening.

When the machine started buzzing, he let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out.

Fifteen seconds later it shut off. With trembling hands, he was able to withdraw his member….which now had a button sewn neatly on the end.

FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said ‘How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here!’ and hung up. The husband said, ‘Who was that?’ The wife answered, ‘I don’t know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.’

SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, ‘Hmm, this person looks familiar.’ The second blonde says, ‘Here, let me see!’ So, the first blonde hands her the compact. The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, ‘You dummy,it’s me!’

THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, ‘No, honey, don’t do it!!!’ The blonde replies, ‘Shut up, you’re next!’

FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, ‘Go ahead, ask me, .. I know ‘em all.’ A friend says, ‘OK, what’s the capital of Wisconsin ?’ The blonde replies, ‘Oh, that’s easy it’s W.’

FIFTH DEGREE
Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A: ‘Is it mine?’

SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, ‘That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware .’

SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, ‘I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!’

A truck driver had been driving for many hours.  He’d gone through West Texas, Arizona and New Mexico when he came up on a gas station with a small diner attached and figured he’d better stop to fill up and grab a bite to eat.

So he rolls up to it and gets some ham and eggs and coffee, then fills up his rig with gas.  The trucker’s lack of sleep is finally catching up to him and he says to the shop owner

“Good Lord, I’d give anything for a real bed, I just can’t handle another night in that sleeper.  Is there a motel anywhere round here?”

Shop owner replies “Oh it’s a good 75-80 miles to the next motel.”

Trucker: “Awww Shit…I can’t handle that.  You think you could uh…you got a spare room or something?  I’d pay ya $50 bucks to let me stay the night.  I just can’t spend another night in that sleeper.  It’s tearing my back up.”

Shop Keeper:  “Well…other than me and Paula, there’s only one other bed in the house and it’s a double bed and grandpas sleeping in that one.  Awww, grandpas old, he’s 93 and hell he don’t care.  You can share the bed if you wanna.”

The truck driver thought about it and thought of the fishing trips he used to take with his grandpa, and how they’d always have to share a bed when he was a kid. 

Trucker: “Nahhh..that ain’t no problem.”  So he goes up and the old man is asleep and he takes it down to his t-shirt and boxers and slips under the sheets.  He’s asleep for about 10 to 15 minutes when the old man wakes up and screams:

“Whooa!!!!!!!! Bring on the Girls!  Bring on the Girls!”

The trucker sits up on one elbow cracks an eye and looks at him and says, “Grandpa, what you got on your mind is fine, but that thing you have in your hand there…well, that’s mine.”